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Don’t Worry Its OK  
03:36pm 12/04/2008
The other day,
because I had nothing in mind,
I took a long trip down a path that only I know.
It was a brief walk through fields of Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes that lead me to a crystal clear stream, which I know is the love and hope that flows in my heart for all of humanity.
I moved on all fours, as the wolf, parralel to the love in my heart
untill I passed through the gate and found the sacred cedar of Innanna.
At its base I traversed within and moved downward through its heartwood,
to its roots.
I pushed on through the earth, with only the roots as guide,
until I came to the foundation of the world.
Here, I thanked it for the chance to be as I am, individualized from the whole of the universe and therfore better equipped to carry out its will and purpose.
I then ascended, back to the base, and upward through the branches and bends... and much did I see.
I saw the hurt written in the faces of our kind and the confusion in the path of truth, but I continued my ascent and saw the darkness that precedes the birth of the sun, finally I saw the golden beauty of the newborn day.
It laughed in its infancy and with its whole tiny hand it took my one finger... and smiled.
A deep satisfaction welled from within me and I cried and laughed with this newborn as though it were my own, then I descended back to the base of the great and sacred cedar.
There were many doors and halls and rooms to traverse,
but I listened with my heart and trusted that the tree held no ill intent and at length, I arrived in a room where before me was a great golden chariot drawn by a white horse and a black horse.
I stepped onto the chariot and held the reins assuredly in my hands. I asked the horses to move me forward... because I was satisfied that my intention would one day be fulfilled.
The horses took to hoof and we moved beyond the tree and into space, away from Earth and the Moon, we flew amongst the stars.
I smiled as the realization of our destination came to me... destination Venus, that great being of love and femininity that for so long in this mortal coil I had sought.
And when we arrived... she looked just like you.
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06:18pm 19/12/2007
Sugar my love
Sugar my sweet
Kills me slowly in my sleep
Honey is wine
when I'm done with it
Like Jesus in love with the devils tail
My truths in the clink so send me some bail.
Sugar my love
Honey is poison
The psychopomps buzz
sending souls by the dozen
Dare I dream
In dreams I cry
Can You find me again after your starless night... or for that matter, can I?
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09:20pm 04/12/2007


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How it Happens to Me Sometimes  
07:04pm 03/12/2007
Sometimes its like a total disconnect and the stars are pouring into your heart. Its a shocking overwhelming sensation I often equate with fear, but its more of an  uncomfortable acceptance of what will be. Like your giving into the inevitable because you have no control. After this acceptance things don't return to normal for a period of maybe a month. Its like your floating, playing the game of life on autopilot and the waves are turbulent and when you awake its an unfamiliar shore at first and you get to put the puzzle together and sometimes the picture is pretty and worth the effort.
But don't misunderstand me, its not like you have a choice as to what breaks the image or how jagged the pieces will be and whether or not they cut. The puzzle just breaks and you have to get tossed about and eventually land and put the puzzle back together. The dread of this phenomenon and the degree of discomfort that comes along with the acceptance of the incident mellow over time, a portion of it is replaced by a cold edge, like a blankness and a disconnection because you know eventually everything falls away and you loose the image of yourself that you had and must forge a new one so why bother being one person at all. You must be many  in this modern life, and none of them can be totally dependent on anything.
So you cling to the freak show cycle like its something real and you try to harmonize with the truth of chaos and even that isn't real enough and your just sort of left looking inside the window... like inside is a better place to be.
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The Moon!!  
07:50pm 15/11/2007
The moon is beautiful! I love her. I have a tree who's roots stretch down to the center, often from there I ride my golden chariot into the sky and council with Venus. This last time she told me that soon in the future the idols will truly be false and they will seek to enslave us, but the one truth that will free us is that we still have art. Look to art... it is your salvation from the tribulation that assails us.
mood: optimisticoptimistic
music: Papa Roach-Last Resort
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02:54am 02/11/2007
Underlying the nature of all things is the idea of change. The one constant is that nothing stays the same. Even the angle that the Earth rotates at wobbles, giving way to variants in the degree of the axis, which creates the precession of equinox in astrology. The universe is expanding and other galaxies as well as our own are moving away from the center of the universe at phenomenal speeds.
In sitting in my room admiring the changes that have occurred in me and my life just in the past year, but also decade, I become aware of another universal principle that of the cycle. Most things in life, but not all, are cyclic. Our habits as tiny carbon based Earthlings in the big pot of chaos, are cyclic.
Understand your cycles folks. Look within yourself and really seek to understand your own nature. Be honest with yourself and when you think you know yourself, expect yourself to change. Never are we so doomed as when we think we have it all figured out and it will always be that way.
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11:06am 09/08/2007
The present is all we have, and to be frank its not much to talk about. Impending global economic collapse, poverty on a global scale as well. Dictators usurping honest men, world leadership ingratiating itself and its chosen and turning its back on the needy. What do we have at this time dear reader?
We have a will and we have a desire, but is that enough? Were I a more educated man I would have a theory and a plan of action, but I am not a man of such forethought. I am a reckless word smith, a drunk and an idealist. I have a loud mouth and nothing more and my will is chaos.
I say let it burn, and you dear reader should burn with it. I am burning now. The fires of hell have consumed my soul and left me hollow and blackened and enraged. Theres to many of us and soon the levees gonna break and we will all spill over the edge into nothing. Our eyes mad with fear and our minds trembling with the thought that somewhere down the line we lost it and now its gone. Now we are going to die and not just a few of us.
Hell, a few of us are all that will be left in ten years. My advise to you is to drop what  your doing right now and run. Run blindly from the darkness in the corner because its coming for us, and it likes the thrill of the chase.
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04:35am 07/08/2007
Knowledge can come to us only from the reality of the world itself; our chosen leaders must no longer be the petty men of limited vision from whom we have previously taken our orientation, but the greatest intellects who have had the most profound views of the world and have been seized most forcefully by that which is.

The individual person is essentially no different from the infinitely  greater and vaster organized whole, which is the universe. The individual is this universal whole, focused at a particular point in space and in terms of the particular need of the exact moment of its emergence into independent existence.

If I could have just one more chance to make you all believe, I would tear down my fathers house with my own hands and make sure that no one built houses of the holy for anyone but themselves.Just one more chance to make you all see how they stole our lives by putting our god somewhere beyond our sky and stealing our goddess right out from under our feet
location: alone
music: One Moment- Judge Wooley
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11:16pm 25/07/2007
"We carry in our hearts the true country... and that cannot be stolen."
How many of you out there know where and what Shambalah is?
How long has it been since you have been home?
Do you even remember what your own front door looks like?
How long, and how much longer do you wander in this wilderness alone?
"Not all who wander are lost."
The hardest thing about my life is overcoming the sense that when I am awake,
I am dreaming,
and when I dream,
I am further still from my home.
I am not of this world.
"If your free... you never see the walls."
location: The Path
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Public Service Announcement  
02:25am 29/06/2007
The world is a vast place. Filled with darkness and light, treachery and sweet surprise. Among the people of the world one can hope to find few who will honor friendship and ideals congruent with your own. Largely, the world is populated by animals.
Hungry animals that feed on the truth and shit lies like rain drops. But if you are so blessed as to find people of your ilk, hold on to them.
I have spun around the sun fewer times than some I call friend and more than some of those by the same name. Young or old, friends are more valuable than money.
Acquaintances abound in this vast and inspiring jungle. Be wary, but walk with an open heart. The next acquaintance could be the next friend, or the next meal, depending on your disposition.
The meal may be satisfying but at some point your world will acknowledge the void and come looking for you to account for it. I have never eaten a friend and in my opinion I have never taken advantage of one either.
Gilgamesh suffered at the hands of a fate he had no destiny to avoid. He died, as we all must die.
The truth in life is that it is transitory. Dare I say that life is a dream and death its alarm clock. Sleep is the one luxury in life that is taken for granted. In it, we die a little and in it we truly live, boundless of the mortal coil.
I want to sleep and wake at the same time, it is the paradox of my existence.
I am electric power wrapped in sinew, flesh and bone. Like the power in the line I am destined to bring to life some great achievement of man be it a light bulb or a computer or even a dish washer propagating modern convenience. I am electric power fueling the machine which is my body and mind.
Electricity is the soul, the body is the machine, the brain is a processor that allows interaction with the physical world around me.
So who made who, as the song goes? Am I a man because my function propagates that which is? Am I a man so that the world can go on being the world?
Or am I a man so that the world can become more than it is now? Does the universe need something new to define itself, am I a creative part of the universal machine, or am I a maintainer of that which is? Am I a caretaker who's point in life is to keep things as they are?
Why are you here? Are you managing your ends and contributing to the whole by way of maintenance? Or do you have a creative part to play?
I have always thought of things in black and white terms you see, and yet I have touted myself as a poly-ist and not a mono-ist. But here as you read I am asking you which are you, black or white? Such is the nature of living at the end of the cycle. I am all that has come before and I am what is to be after the end.
I urge you not to decide but to simply accept. You are a steadfast, dear reader, one that exists in the flux of the universe as it becomes something else. If black appeals to you then accept it, if white appeals to you then accept it. But know this, at some point one or the other has to end. Unless I am wrong. But you will never know, and frankly neither will I.
As for my part, I have lit the candle at both ends. I maintain the old and bring in the new and urge you to choose nothing and simply accept the rising sun because even if you don't, it will still rise.
No questions now, it is simply what I do.
Until then keep your friends close and your enemies closer and for all that is, KEEP THE ANIMALS AT BAY.
location: the edge
music: More Than Comprehended- Judge Wooly
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